“Technology has made the world a better place to live.” Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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The 20th century 〈1〉has seen a great advances in technology, 〈2〉and technology advance has both advantages and disadvantages. 〈3〉No wonder that technology has solved a number of problems, 〈4〉and makes life better. 〈5〉On the flip side, technology 〈6〉changes are likely to create new problems, threatening or damaging the quality of human life.

〈7〉However, I believe the development of technology has 〈8〉undoubtedly brought a lot of convenience to human beings and makes the world 〈9〉more beautiful and suitable to live.

〈10〉A(chǔ)pparently, technology has greatly improved the efficiency 〈11〉,and thus 〈12〉made people to have more leisure time. 〈13〉In order to see the point clearly, let us seen an example of how telephone changed our lives. Before the invention of telephone, message delivery depended on messengers. At that time the transport-ation lagged as well, and the quickest way was on horseback. Not surprisingly, a message would take a month long or a year-long time to reach its destination. Fortunately, Bell invented telephone, bringing great convenience to us. Now, where ever you are, with a telephone or with a cell phone, everyone is just one phone call away. In addition, you can keep very close contact with your family, even when traveling through the other side of the earth or flying in the blue sky. 〈14〉

〈15〉Furthermore, with the development of technology, 〈16〉peoples life spans are rising. 〈17〉Since medicine has developed very fast in the last few decades, some new remedies 〈18〉have been created to conquer 〈19〉 some diseases 〈20〉regarded incurable previously. For one, malaria, 〈21〉which deprived many people of their lives due to the lack of effective cure, now become a very easily cured disease. Admittedly, some diseases are still beyond our ability 〈22〉of the human beings and are still claiming people's lives every day, cancer and AIDS. 〈23〉But with the further advancement of the technology, they will surely be eliminated in the future.

〈24〉With these reasons in mind, we may safely come to the conclusion that we owe much to technology 〈25〉for better lives. However, it doesn't necessarily mean technology has it all. Therefore, we should leave no stones unturned in avoiding trouble and making new technologies good for our lives when we use them.

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Your essay has several problems to begin, you fail to make clear in your introduction if you agree or disagree with the statement. This is the first thing you must answer for your reader.

Your first argument does not match your example. The argument you make is that efficiency results in increased leisure time; your example merely illustrates the speed of communication today. I developed your idea of increased leisure time by explaining how this makes life better, and then I give examples of how technology frees up time. This is what you needed to do. The second argument I make is your communication example. Your argument of the increase in lifespan is viable.

Finally, your conclusion is weak because it is not clear what you mean.

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